Is It Bad To Ask Your Boyfriend For Money

Financial negotiation can be uncomfortable to have in any situation (scarcely think about how we tiptoe around discussing our salaries at work!). But when you're dating someone you attention about, money convos can be true more ungainly to have with them. This is especially true if you find yourself in a situation where you need to ask your better hal for money... or vice versa. Yikes.

Naturally, while all situation and relationship is different—and there's nobelium right answer for how to have these kind of dialogue—take solace in the fact that you're not alone if you call back they're touchy.

In fact, consider the opinions of these 13 twentysomething men and women, who get real about loaning or being loaned money by their partners:

1. "I think asking your partner for money can be a very slippery slope. In the past, I had a partner WHO needed money, and would make me feel shamefaced for having my family financially plunk fo me. I was too uncomfortable talking near our different financial situations, so I'd just pay for everything by default. If I mentioned him paying for something Oregon acquiring a full-time job, he'd act like it was no big deal for me to pay since it wasn't my money. It's uncomfortable, but now I always talk with my better hal about our fiscal situations upfront."—Lauren, 24

2. "I think borrowing money from a collaborator can be a great opportunity— both for the giver to feel helpful, and for the recipient to prove that they're trustworthy and conscientious. When I was rattling broke in college, I had to reluctantly borrow $50 from my boyfriend of six months so that I could eat that calendar week — I paid him back within the month. It successful him feel good to help Maine out, genuinely saved Pine Tree State in the bit, and definitely brought us closer." —Sophie, 24

3. "In most cases, if there's another friend operating room family phallus that can help you out instead, it's not a serious approximation. A few old age past, I had the opportunity to 'claim' a pretty jumbo bunce of money, just wouldn't have been able to John Cash proscribed the funds for a while. This money also came with a huge tax bill upfront that I didn't have the money to pay. My girlfriend of just over a year had worked in finance for many years and had quite a bit of money concentrated, and agreed to lend me the money at a slightly-below-grocery store matter to rate. I'm not sure if it changed the self-propelled of our relationship for her, but I know I was always uneasy about the fact that I was indebted to her. I wasn't for sure how we would handle the fact that I soundless collectable her all of this money if something went wrong in our relationship. If anything, the fact that I had borrowed money from my partner made Maine boot to pay off the loan equally quick as manageable."—Michael, 29

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4. "Giving a partner money pot totally sour out, but you need to view IT as a talent, not a loan. My cooperator of seven years is in grad educate, and I've been working full-time for three years at a big tech companion. Last summer, my boyfriend got accepted to work beyond the sea but had small-scale funds, so I offered to ante up for us to fly there and back—about $5,000. I had the money, so for me it was worth it to invest in my partner's instructive experience, simply it was the just about I've ever spent, or given him. With that context of use, it didn't shift our relationship dynamic much. I have always been more willing to invite expensive things I want the States to do, and after getting burnt badly by a friend in college, I only ever so give people money, I don't do loans." —Marie, 25

5."I have lent money to retiring partners and would hope to not do it once more. I had a girlfriend I lived with who ran into some money problems after getting injured, and so I offered to cover her extant costs (including rent out). At the time, it seemed like there would embody a definitive end to her financial need, simply once she started qualification money again, it didn't stop. Her eventual five-figure debt kept us tied unneurotic longer than we should have been together."—Hannah, 23

6. "Earlier this year I lent my boyfriend just about $3k to pay for some taxes he collect (I offered and didn't waver to hump). He didn't deprivation to accept it at 1st, but realized it was better than paying more interest. I make slightly much than him and then I knew that it wouldn't wound me American Samoa much if I shelled out the money. We'd been together tetrad years so I knew he wouldn't just bond on me without paying, which definitely influenced why I was willing to lend him money. At first I didn't think our relationship had denaturized, and at the least from my linear perspective it hasn't, but lately, he always brings it up a lot because he hasn't finished paying me back. I always assure him that I'm not mad at him for taking so long to pay me noncurrent, but he definitely thinks it sucks that helium's in this position." — Edna, 24

7. "Endorse in college, I'd have to spot my boyfriend day in and day out for dinner party, solid food, and outings because he didn't really have an income. I would just file him for stuff happening Venmo then wait for him to pay me rearwards when he would get gift money, financial aid, whatever. When we eventually stone-broke sprouted, he still owed me around a hundred dollars, only he paid me cover without having to be reminded. I ever mat up it was worthy IT, and never lent him more money than I was ready to lose, but I only covered him for stuff we did together. If you're gonna lend multitude money, you let to be mentally approve with non getting paid plump for for a years, or potentially ever, because there's always a chance you're never gonna see information technology again. "—Amy, 23

8. "I think as long as you're doing it for things you absolutely need and have a plan to pay them hindermost, IT's okay. While I was looking for a job, I was really struggling to steady buy food sometimes, so my boyfriend would sometimes spot Pine Tree State. I felt so guilty and kept course of every transaction, and made doomed he knew I was going to pay him back once I figured out my life history. He understood though, because He also went through the struggle of looking for a job post-graduate. Formerly I got a job, I paid him hinder for everything."—Angelina, 22

9. "My personal advice: Don't do it unless you'ray desperate. American Samoa someone WHO has always been more financially successful than my partner, I've oftentimes ground myself being to a fault generous and giving. I had one boyfriend I was with for over four years, and I'd wind up paying for nearly everything when we went extinct collectively, and loaning him money when he'd be in a obligate. Sometimes he'd make up me back, sometimes He'd 'forget.' I thought information technology would be stingy of Pine Tree State to bring it up, so I ne'er did. I assumed he'd e'er ut the same for me, until the clip came that I really needed his service, and he was very reluctant. It completely transformed the dynamic of the relationship and put this expectation on me to invite out things almost entirely moving forward. " —Marie, 24

10. "One time I didn't undergo enough money to check my baggage and my visiting card was declined. I had been hooking up with this guy very nonchalantly, and there was already a unusual high-power in situ with a language roadblock. I always felt very timid around him. I felt identical low-level with him and blameworthy asking for money, simply he all over helping me out and ne'er asked for money back. I felt very painful at freshman — If I'm a feminist, do I only pay for myself? Is it okay to accept money from manpower? Where come I draw the line? Information technology's very effortful for me to live with money from men but that really changed it for Maine. When it comes down to it, a partnership is a partnership. That means taking care of each other. That goes both shipway too—if helium needed me that means, I'd be available as wellspring."—Edwina, 25

11. "When I was in college a few years agone, I found myself unable to pay lease one month because of a car issue. I was very distraught as I knew my parents couldn't avail me either. I dreaded even the cerebration of mentioning information technology to my partner at the meter, but knew I had to deman because I was critical. We'd been geological dating for around six months at that maneuver, simply he came from a identical different socioeconomic background than me, sol I felt equal he wouldn't understand. Atomic number 2 offered me the money, but only if I would harmonise to preindication a sign on paired with an occupy charge per unit. It was a super dehumanizing know that was paired with a band of major form class abuse about how I was irresponsible. He even went yet American Samoa to say that if I genuinely needed money, I should sell my dog-iron. I declined his offer, and thankfully disorganised the Cash together elsewhere. We broke up about half a year later, although I wished I had done it sooner."— Jenn, 23

12. "My boyfriend and I take up been unneurotic for a little over two years and we live together. I operate in an inconsistent, creative field and he's a lawyer at a big bank, so we make very different money. Last twelvemonth I was starting off in this new field, and money was super tight for me. He saw how stressed I was, and offered Maine money on most a daily footing. We'd be watching TV and atomic number 2'd beryllium like 'do you need money?' I forever said nary, but definitely made concessions in other places. For instance, he pays slightly more of the rent than I behave, and he usually pays when we go knocked out. I cerebrate that allows me to still be independent. I think if I had unchallenged money from him, I would always kinda feel like I unpaid him, and might feel like I was less than him. I never want to depend on a man for money and want to know that if the relationship doesn't bring on out, I can hire care of myself."—Paginate, 25

13. "I think it's fine, but only if it's an emergency where they're borrowing short-term, or the like a real 'fellow-girlfriend' situation. I was recently asked for around a thousand dollars from a female child I had real nonchalantly been hook up with for a month or deuce. Not only was that way too much money, but the reason she requisite the money was indeed that she could suffer extra cash on manus for a yacht vacation in Europe. I thought process it was totally bogus that she'd inquire me and information technology essentially ruined the relationship."—Daniel, 26

Responses have been lightly edited for clarity.

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Carina Hsieh Excite & Relationships Editor Carina Hsieh lives in NYC with her French Bulldog Bao Bao — follow her connected Instagram and Twitter • Candace Bushnell once called her the Samantha Jones of Tinder • She enjoys hanging call at the candle aisle of TJ Maxx and getting mixed-up in Amazon spirals.